Derek Lee Goodreid

Born to Raise Hell & Sing the Blues.

Broken Beyond Repair: A Personal Journey

Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), social anxiety, and depression presents an often overwhelming challenge, particularly when it comes to connecting with people and expressing one’s emotions. These conditions create an intricate web of internal struggles, making the simplest interactions feel insurmountable.

One of the most heartbreaking aspects of living with these conditions is the difficulty in forming and maintaining relationships. The isolation that comes with feeling unable to articulate and communicate my feelings often leaves me feeling disconnected from the world around me. It’s as though I’m trapped behind an invisible barrier that prevents others from truly understanding me, no matter how hard I try to explain.

Growing up in a Christian environment, I was surrounded by a community that felt like a second family. However, leaving the church revealed a painful truth: many of the people I thought were friends abandoned me. This realization was not just a loss of community, but a deep personal wound that further fueled my feelings of unworthiness and isolation.

To this day, I often feel like an option rather than a priority in the lives of those around me. One friend even went so far as to tell me that I wasn’t “useful enough.” These words have a lasting impact, reinforcing the belief that I will never be good enough in any role I take on—be it as a musician, friend, or family member.

The constant feeling of inadequacy feeds into a cycle of disengagement and dissociation. Each day, it becomes harder to find meaning in anything. It’s a struggle to muster the energy to reach out to others, even those who genuinely care and try to stay close. I find myself retreating further into isolation, going days without speaking to anyone. I joke and say I am going on a vacation to Skyrim but the truth is I need someone to help me go outside. I need a friend. 

These experiences often lead me to question, “Am I broken?” It’s a question that haunts many who live with mental health conditions. The truth is, feeling this way is a natural response to the trauma and challenges faced. It’s important to remember that these feelings, while valid, do not define our worth.

Living with CPTSD, social anxiety, and depression is undeniably difficult, but it’s important to seek support and find moments of connection, however small they may be. Therapy, support groups, and open conversations with trusted individuals can help break down the walls of isolation. While the journey is long and often painful, there is hope in knowing that these conditions do not have to define our entire lives.

The road to recovery and meaningful connection is fraught with challenges, but it is also lined with the potential for healing and growth. It’s crucial to hold onto the belief that we are not broken beyond repair, and that with time, patience, and support, we can find our way back to a place of connection and self-worth. 

Man I can speak a good game but I am struggling today.

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About Derek

Derek Lee Goodreid began his songwriting in his twenties as a confessional exploring his own battle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression with punk acoustic influences.

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Underdog | 1st June 2023

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Derek Lee Goodreid

Perth blues, rockabilly and country musician, Derek Lee Goodreid, began his songwriting in his twenties as a confessional exploring his own battle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression with punk acoustic influences. After moving to Norway for love Derek’s music and lyrics evolved influenced now by Jeff Buckley, Elvis Presley, John Lee Hooker, Johnny Cash, and Robert Johnson. Derek’s blues-inspired rockabilly won his newly formed band, Howling Light, a place to compete at Notodden Blues Festival and several festival gigs in Norway and established venues such as Cafe Mono and Buckley’s Blues and Roots Bar. Since then Derek has released four solo albums and has returned to his home town of Perth Western Australia. He continues to write, record, and perform his own special brand of Americana, Delta Blues, and Rock with his howling vocals red, hot rocking guitar, and heart of gold. Follow Me On Facebook

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